Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Worst V-Day Ever

Arg... Not only did I spend the beginning of V-day alone, wide awake, crying and miserable... I had a stupid b-friend that was just not there. He left because I yelled at him (two days ago) because I thought he was lying (the evidence was against him)... it's been a little over two months since I knew for sure that he's lied. I feel like freaking cursing... so pissed.

My favorite part of it is this: I get on the phone with him and he says, "Think of this as your punishment." Turns off his damn phone and that was all.

F***ing cruel... 99% of the time, he can never empathize, even with someone who has cared for him for so long. He may have some good qualities... but he's probably one of the worst in one of the most important aspects of a good human being.

He's so damn righteous... He freaking lies for 4.5 years, and then thinks he should never hear about it... oh the things he has done... it's not just one type of thing... and then nothing special to make up for it... I can't even talk it through with him, because he won't allow it!

He was content enough when he was causing me pain... as long as I wasn't there to bitch at him.

What's even more funny is that he refuses to be open about what he's doing after all of this. He's never been open, except MAYBE for the last 2 months... and now, he's requesting that he just can't be open about everything. I need to KNOW that he CAN tell me those things (since he has never been truthful about it for 4.5 years). so angry it makes me laugh...

I don't freaking care anymore... I keep all this crap bottled in me, while ALL his friends know so much! I don't think it's even occurred to him about my privacy. Besides, this is afterall, MY post... His damn pictures are censored... and I'm pissed!
The worst part of it is that I used to see him in an imperfectly perfect way; in my world, he was the epitome of ideal. His actions hurt me in a way that I don't know how to express outside of pure rage and tears. He knows I was the greatest girlfriend, and I treated him royally. I only wish he wanted to make me feel whole again.

My little sweet cat was there with me throughout the night. Whenever, the bf decides to jet and stay away the whole night... she mews a whole lot, but she's so worried that I'll disappear too that she lays right next to me all night, even if she's wide awake. It's so sad... She's the biggest sweetheart in the littlest, furriest body... OH GOD... I am on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady... lol...

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