Monday, March 26, 2007

What is wrong with me???

A long time ago (lol), when I was still in high school, about a week before the SATs, I broke out in hives... it was all over, my legs, arms, stomach, etc. It even made my lip swell up. I looked like a horrible version of a human duck, it was THAT big. But it only happened for a half of a day... and then magically, it was gone until college...
I had it on and off for a whole year... and then it disappeared, and now for the past 2 years, they're back, and god, they're annoying.

It doesn't bother me too much, because they only appear for about an hour each day... but god, they itch. Initially, I would itch them until I got little scabs... pretty disgusting, right? But, I've become a lot better about it... no scabs from my itching at all...

But, seriously, what is wrong with me? I refuse to go to the doctor... because I'm a tough a** when it comes to things like this. I won't go! Besides, they'll probably give me medicine, and I REALLY don't want that.
I try to stay away from medical dependency as much as possible.

It's not allergy due to lotion (too lazy most of the time to apply it anyway)... my skin's not dry... I really don't know what it could be. The only two things may be photosensitivity or stress... god, I hope it's not due to UV... doesn't seem to be anyway...

I woke up the other night from one nightmare after another. And, that very morning I had an epiphany; it occurred to me that I couldn't remember a single happy dream from the last year or two... How can this be? I used to have nothing but good dreams every single night filled with ridiculous wonderful inventions and vain discoveries of free designer clothing, flying etc... the nightmare being a rarity, usually consisting of a garrish strange monster rolling after me...
Now, my nights are only filled with very real nightmares... nightmares that are so realistic, things that I'm actually truly terrified of, things that have a good chance of happening.

I miss my continuous unblemished happy tamed skin... and having good nights...
God, I feel so embarrassed, because I hate being this way...

1 comment:

Andy said...

AMA = no good!!!